I can honestly feel that I am losing myself.
The way I behave, the way I respond and the way I deal with things.
It is simply so different right now, I don’t even know myself well and why.
Am I caring too much? possibly, because I am too sensitive to the surroundings be it the people, the environment or even the things that are evolving around me.
Everyday, things change. the way that it is supposed to be is not happening.
I hate myself now.
I hate myself for not being able to be myself.
I hate the situation that I am in, that I can’t even embrace myself any further.
Can anyone please guide me, I’m lost and I have no direction to go :(
Excuse me, are you Christine?
Occasionally, I thought to myself.
Hey christine, am I who I really am?
Negative.
My life took a change the moment I made a decision.
It kind of made me realized that indeed, the pain has taken its toll on me and I am probably still in the midst of recovery. to put it in a bad way, it seems that I am still living in self-denial.
Denying the fact that I still love my first job more than anything. denying the fact that this is an obstructive obstacle for me to overcome before I can achieve my goals. denying the fact that I am actually allowing strangers and even self-centre people into my life who are going to ruin the image I’ve set for myself.
Why is this so?
If you talk about my current work, I’m simply speechless.
Majority has political affairs towards certain people. none of them were spared. even I myself was involved. this is ethically unacceptable. I never meant to enter this world with a hatred in my heart. so imbecile!
But it seems that the society and humanity are so screwed up, that they can never be pleased with what they are fed.
Greed, dishonesty, lies, hatred, jealously.. you name it, they possess it.
Why, I don’t know.
I just feel that, probably if they are being given guidance and a strong creed in their heart, life would definitely be better for everyone.
7 core values, the last one states “care for soldiers”
However, humans do no practice what they preach.
I have not experience this factor since the day I joined this company. but why is it that it feels so different between the military and non-military life?
And I really abhor it.
Everytime I am faced with problems, I tell myself: ok let’s just recite the 7 core values and the officer’s creed.
As long as I know, I have exceled in everything I do, I am contented enough.
(Source: honeysucculents, via newyorktoparis)
(Source: lo-on-lo, via metalhearted)
(Source: rachellrosales, via recoveryisbeautiful)
